My friend, I can see that you're struggling to trust God when everything seems to be falling apart. I've been there myself, and I can tell you that it's a hard road to walk, but trust me, it's worth it. The key is to understand that God is holy love, and He wants us to venture our all with total abandoned confidence in Him. Faith is the supreme effort of our lives, throwing ourselves with abandon and total confidence upon God.
You see, when we lack the mental composure that comes from establishing ourselves on the eternal truth that God is holy love, disaster occurs in our lives. But when we truly see God at work, we will never be concerned again about the things that happen, because we're actually trusting in our Father in heaven, whom the world cannot see. It's more reasonable to commit ourselves to Him than to the finest human being, and He will never betray us or let us down. So, what must we do? We must hear His voice, and that's not always easy, but it's a crucial step in trusting God.
It's also important to remember that God is not against us, even when it seems like He is. Those years of silence can be a time of discipline, not a period of His displeasure. We must wait upon God and be grounded in Him, trusting that He will give us the grace to handle the disappointments that lie ahead. And, as it says in Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." So, my friend, I urge you to trust in God, even when everything falls apart. He is holy love, and He wants the best for us.