As I reflect on why God let my body betray me, I realize that my faulty theology of suffering led me to believe that God wants to heal me simply because He loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life. However, this perspective neglects the reality of sin and its consequences. I had to face the consequences of my own sin, and I struggled to come to terms with God's sovereignty in my life. I began to question God's goodness and love, wondering why He didn't intervene to prevent my suffering. But as I looked deeper, I saw that God was not absent, but rather, He was allowing me to experience the full weight of my own sin. He was not ignoring my prayers, but rather, He was granting me the opportunity to learn and grow from my mistakes. I realized that my own sin had led me down a path of self-pity and despair, and it was only when I acknowledged my own responsibility that I could begin to find forgiveness and healing.
As I reflect on Jesus' story, I see a similar pattern. Jesus knew that Judas would betray Him, and yet, He allowed it to happen. He could have taken action to prevent it, but instead, He chose to accept it as a fulfillment of Scripture. Jesus' own words, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" reveal the depth of His own suffering and the weight of His own sin. He did not take His suffering lightly, but rather, He bore it in His own body, making it His own responsibility. In doing so, He showed us that suffering is not something to be avoided or feared, but rather, it is an opportunity for growth and transformation.
In my own experience, I see that God's sovereignty is not about ignoring my prayers or withholding healing, but rather, it is about granting me the freedom to choose and the opportunity to learn from my mistakes. When I try to take matters into my own hands and dictate the course of my life, I end up in a tailspin of self-pity and despair. But when I surrender to God's sovereignty and acknowledge my own sin, I can begin to find forgiveness and healing. It is a hard lesson to learn, but one that has brought me closer to God and given me a deeper understanding of His love and goodness. Ultimately, I see that God's sovereignty is not about controlling my circumstances, but rather, it is about guiding me towards a deeper relationship with Him, one that is marked by trust, obedience, and surrender.